Dreaming of Sam

Jack, Summer 2013

"Mom, I had a dream about Sam last night.  We were outside playing catch.  We were having so much fun."

We did not get the response we imagined when we told Jack he was going to be a big brother.  Jeff and I sat Jack down and relayed the message with enthusiasm and joy.  I had been waiting for years to tell Jack he was finally getting a brother.  I had imagined Jack screaming with excitement and listing all the fun things they would do together.  Instead I got tears...

"But, I don't really want a brother."  What!?  I was so surprised by his response, and if I am being completely honest I was hurt.  

I grew up adoring my younger brother Travis.  Today we are extremely close and do many things together with our families.  Our kids have referred to each other as 'brousins' (brother/cousins).  I had always envisioned Jack having a similar relationship with a sibling.

After having further conversations with Jack he basically shared that he was scared.  He was scared people would make fun of Sam for having down syndrome.  He also was afraid people would make fun of him.  He was afraid that we wouldn't pursue his interests and activities.  But his biggest fear was losing Jeff and me. 

Jack has been an only child for many years.  Our lives and routine has been shaped around him. 

We are continuing this dialog with Jack.  We have shared that things will be different when Sam arrives; but the one thing that will not change is our love for him.  

We also continue to talk about other changes that will occur.  We talk about his specific fears and how he can handle them (with our help).  We talk about bullies and what to do if he or Sam is a target.  We talk about how Jack will still have special time with Daddy and Mommy.  We also talk about the fun things HE CAN do now that he has a brother!

We will continue to talk through our fears and excitements and I will find peace knowing Jack is dreaming of days playing with Sam.